Rizsfelfújt

Honestly? Honestly. J

Tendency to show women half naked: Well, the answer is simple. Women have to make up their minds. I don’t like to be used as a marketing tool.

But (and now comes the big part) the truth is a lot more complex than this. Well, women want to be equal to men. So the way to do it was to dress up like men. Trousers and blouses without colors, simple, haircut as simple as it can be. The problem is that men, as it has been stated so many times before are visual creatures. So we are dressed up like men, in a world where it is hard to get to know each other. (Think of the village of my grandma, where everyone has known each other since their birth.) So what can we do to attract men??? Give an answer! It’s not the parents anymore who find for you the spouse. So how can you attract a man? Answer is: by showing as much skin as possible and getting with him into bed as fast as possible, so that you fulfill his needs. That’s it. And well, in a small, closed society, in the middle of the rainforest might not be a problem, but in our globalized world, well, it is really dangerous. I was trying to provide an alternative solution by telling to wear jewels and elegant clothes.

Well the tendency from the artists to get naked and overly sexy was coming from that they wanted to free women: in men’s clothes, prudent, governed by the parents …well women were not free. It was a solution to be freed from being closed into a men’s outfit.

On the other hand, dressing in a certain way reflects the climate of the place too. A theory, that is just based on my observations: the German TV had once shown a series about the arab countries. It was very interesting, and explained to me, where their „dresscode” that is being critcized so often by us, Europeans is coming from: in those countries, the climate is dry, there are regions where sand storms happen often. It’s very warm and the humidity is low. It makes sense to cover yourself up fully, including your face, otherwise you are risking to dry out in the heat and get covered by sand and dirt. In other words, the local customs are not coming from the religion, I think it’s the other way around: first there was the custom to be dressed up because of the circumstances and then the muslim (and sorry but the jew and the christian religions too) codified this way of dressing up. Christianity is coming from Israel, from the desert. Being dressed up fully, covering your head is adequate in the desert climate. I have lived in the desert, even in  40-50*C you don’t feel as warm as you would feel here in our climate in 30*C. This even my Indian club teacher has noticed, she told me, that in the New Mexico desert she has never had problem with the heat, in New York she was suffocating. In the dry climate of the desert, you evaporate (by sweating) a lot of water, therefore it’s easy to dry out. The European climate is humid. It’s hard to cool down your body by sweating, evaporating water, because the air is already „full of water” so to say. That’s why we feel better in the summer with less clothes on. I don’t think it has anything to do with the religions.

The question of dressing up „too sexual”, girls giving their body too easily, risking their health (both mental and physical), the female body used as a marketing communication tool, these are seperate issues. There is, of course a close link, but still. To put it simple: if you are dressing up half naked, cause all your girlfriends have already lost their virginity/they think it’s cool to have a lot of guys/they think you should „live” before you tie yourself down, well… then one would think that teaching girls to not to dress up and not to act as sluts might be a useful aim. They risk to get STDs, get pregnant, get raped etc. Almost all girls around me have had bad experiences resulting from the great sexual freedom of women. I don’t know. It’s just a gut feeling.

Loyalty?

„Butter on the head” –magyarul. It’s a signal. In my case: I did not believe my future husband to be was serious. I have met so many guys before, who were just flirting, playing, that I honestly thought he would be just playing, I thought he just wants to have a holiday friend. I did not believe, he was serious. Not at all. But he kept coming to me, the first guy who did that for me ever. We were not married, we just met once. I regret it, but it feels kind of strange, cause back then I didn’t think of him as my spouse or my boyfriend. I find a thousand ways to justify myself, the same way he finds a thousand ways to justify himself. In his case: it was too big of a challange for him to move to another country, to face the illness of his father, to live alone, the hardships with the private company etc. It was an escape route. Well, all in all it’s a signal that something is not ok. Question is, should you resist to the temptations or not. In my opinion in certain cases it’s not acceptable to not to resist to the temptation, but there are particular cases when you cannot blame the person. Anyways, everyone in my opinion should aim to resolve the problems in his/her relationship, or clarify, purify the situation. It’s hard, sensitive issue, involving the private life of two adults and often that of children too. People, who want to help you are often biased: they don’t like your spouse or they used to be envious of you, they want to justify their own decisions by your case (e.g.: they cheated, so you should cheat too). Hardly anyone can expect a helping hand. Loyalty gives a certain sense of stability. Stability is important, you feel relaxed, happy. Unstable situations worn everyone out in the long run.

Fancy stuff: diamonds (where??), fancy wedding, (fancy) appartment?

Not my style, originally not my style. But I have to admit, I enjoyed our wedding. Not so much for the venue, but rather for all the family and friends who were there with us. It was a lifetime experience for everyone. I don’t regret it. Andrea and I, we wanted to have a small wedding. After all, I have to admit, it would have been a mistake to not to have all those people there. And I was happy that my mom and my dad enjoyed the organization. They like to organize, to aim for the best and achieve the best, this is their style. Me and my husband we always take it easy, we are happy with a gyros  and a small car as long as we can visit places, my parents (and the parents of Andrea too) they prefer to aim for the best. Their style. I have been to weddings in a menza, in a small restaurant. In my opinion, as long as the music is good and the people are fun any place is ok. Flowers, fancy dresses, if one has the money, why not. Sometimes you just buy stuff to feel better, to make things look nicer, to show that it’s a special day, it’s not a sin. Me and my grandma (father’s side) we look for the basics, my room or my part of the room I shared with my sister was always without decoration. My mom and the mom of Andrea, they love to decorate. Hm… I don’t know, it’s just a matter of taste and preference. Funny, I have left out many services the wedding company of the municipality was offering: champagne, doves, confetti etc. My parents were complaining about it. Funny. And I wanted to have a trabi as a wedding car, but my parents were afraid that it would hurt the family members, who still have a trabant, they might think that I am making fun of them…and that was not my intention. Many girls are planning their wedding day already during their childhood, I know that. They want to have their wedding, like in the movies. Not me, honestly, but it turned out to be a real nice experience. I know, there’s always the question: „Yeah, bullshit, so why you did not tell to your parents, that you don’t want it that way?” Answer: I did. I always tell them, but they are pushy. They have always been pushy. And so I end up thinking: „What the hell, is it a problem? Is it worth the confrontation? Obviously no.” That’s it.

Why do I feel unhappy?

I don’t know exactly. It brings me down everytime when people are judgemental. It’s easy to judge and it’s hard to help and provide solutions. And I often feel lonely, I am having a hard time connecting to people. I have a strange tendency to observe people and situations from outside. I have read that people who have a strong „aquarius side to them” (–just to be scientific, haha), often have this attitude, they are often way too impersonal. Actually, many people feel unhappy nowdays. I think it’s coming from the fact that we keep listening to bad news, news we cannot alter, we cannot influence. It brings one down to listen to all the bad things in the world, not being able to help it. I could compare it to having a family member with a deadly disease: family members are experiencing frustration resulting from not being able to help the beloved one. Humans like to help, also without interest…watching, reading about all the problems that are causing children, elderly, families etc., humans to suffer and not being able to help…well, it is an endless suffer and frustration.

Moreover, we have expectations that cannot be fulfilled. Being scared, hanging on to visions. Hm… I have all this in me. And I think many other people do to. Wrong visions not fitting the circumstances can do a lot of harm.

I miss my husband, I like to be with him. Yep, he doesn’t ride the bike and so on, but maybe I am not that interested in biking. I mean it’s a good and useful tool of transportation. Whatever, I just miss him. I have missed him all my life. I miss one good friend by my side. Just one. Somebody who can get over the f’’’ing car of my father, or the college I attended or my „career”. The reason why I loved my husband in first place was exactly this, he did not judge me by all this crep, unlike most other guys I dated.